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Ratmannnn Profile
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


 Dear Maggie! The Magnolias are in bloom and calling for you!!

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4/24/2007, 7:04 pm Link to this post Send Email to Ratmannnn   Send PM to Ratmannnn
 
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


 This is from Today on Ashleys Myspace!

August 24, 2007 - Friday

  The Tattoo
Current mood: determined
Category: Writing and Poetry

 We took my mom into the emergency room two days before Mother's Day. She had surgery that night. The first time I was able to see her afterwards was that Sunday- the actual holiday. Fraught with worry, and eager to see her, I never thought about a gift. I didn't even think to bring flowers- I didn't know if they were allowed, being that she was in the ICU. So, I went to see her, with empty hands, but a full heart. I sat with her for nine hours. I stroked her hair, held her hand, simply being there to do what I could. At one point, while stroking her hair, I began to cry. I tried with everything I had to be silent as the warm tears streamed down my face- but she saw me. She looked up at me, her eyes full of concern, and she asked, "Baby, why are you crying?" I bit my trembling lip to keep from sobbing as she reached up and began to stroke my arm with her soft, bandaged hand.
"I love you, baby." She whispered amongst tears of her own.
"I love you too."

 I stayed until nine that night, when the nurse made me leave. I kissed her and squeezed her hand, told her I'd be back the next day, and walked out of the ICU with the world on my shoulders, but still not slouching.

 My aunt picked me up from work the next day to go the hospital. I hadn't taken any time off because I knew I would have to when she came home, and I thought it was best that I earned as much money as possible before that happened. In the van on the way there, I was told that, because her lungs were filling with fluid (a result of the stress of the surgery), she had been put on a ventilator that morning. She was sedated, but the hospital staff repeatedly told us she could most likely hear us. I really didn't know what to say, so I just sat with her, stroking her hair and holding her hand as I had the day before. Things were bad, but I wasn't giving up yet. As I sat with her, I thought about what incredibly special thing I could do for her, and could come up with no results.

 By Friday night, her blood pressure had dropped so low that there was no hope of it rising. Her wound wasn't healing as it should, and, we realized, she simply wasn't getting better. We talked to the doctors, and, as a family, decided it was best to let her go. It was unnecessary to keep her full of tubes under fluorescent lights. I went into her room alone that night. I went right up to her and grabbed her hand. I laid my head on her arm and I cried for a minute. I kissed her cheek, and, leaning close to her ear, I told her I loved her. I told her how sorry I was that things had to be this way, but that I knew she would agree that it was right. I stroked her hair and told her that I was going to be okay. I told her I loved her again, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. I hugged her, and I kissed her, and that was the last moment I spent with my mom.

 The following night, almost a week after Mother's Day, was the night we let her go. The family met in her ICU room, they all said their goodbyes. I was offered many opportunities to speak to her, but I persisted that I'd said all I needed to say. At seven p.m., she was removed from the ventilator. They stopped all medication, with the exception of the anesthetic, which was increased. We sat in that room with her. We were quiet, but there was a presence that said so much. Tears were shed, and even a little bit of laughter was shared. She, never being an exhibitionist, waited until her brother and I were the only two in the room to take that last breath. We remained for a few moments, just for the sake of being sure, and we left that room with great acceptance for the fact that things happened exactly as they should have.

 In the months since my mother's passing, I've decided to get a tattoo. I've carefully contemplated it, and I'm getting a magnolia on my right shoulder. She was a southern girl at heart, and she loved magnolias. When I was with her in the hospital, thinking of what to do for her, they often came to mind. I never did get to do something special, so this is going to be it. It will be black outline only- simple and beautiful, just like she was, and just below it, in a soft script, will be written, "Mom." It's going to be a little scary, and it's probably going to hurt. Losing her was scary, and painful, but I'm getting through it okay, so I'll get through this too. This way I'll always be reminded of her beauty, and her pain, and be able to know I did get to do something incredible for her.

 


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8/24/2007, 6:28 am Link to this post Send Email to Ratmannnn   Send PM to Ratmannnn
 
Steve A Profile
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


thanks for sharing that Ratpal.

I do miss the Magster as we all do I am sure, maybe someday Miss Ashley will visit here again.
8/24/2007, 8:07 am Link to this post Send Email to Steve A   Send PM to Steve A
 
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


 She said she had lost her log in info. Not sure she would be a regular though. Too many memories but also people who luff her!

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8/24/2007, 1:31 pm Link to this post Send Email to Ratmannnn   Send PM to Ratmannnn
 
Steve A Profile
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


don't you have access to all that login info and tongiro's secret identity as Ratministrator?
8/24/2007, 5:55 pm Link to this post Send Email to Steve A   Send PM to Steve A
 
Ratmannnn Profile
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


 I am not a dickk tater!

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8/24/2007, 6:29 pm Link to this post Send Email to Ratmannnn   Send PM to Ratmannnn
 
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


Finally went through with the tattoo on the 17th.


Image[/url]
11/27/2007, 3:54 am Link to this post Send Email to Ashley Amanda   Send PM to Ashley Amanda
 
Ratmannnn Profile
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


 As I see this and am touched, 'Happy Christmas' is playing on Christmas radio!

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11/27/2007, 6:25 am Link to this post Send Email to Ratmannnn   Send PM to Ratmannnn
 
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


nice tatoo ash.
11/28/2007, 7:46 pm Link to this post Send Email to Steve A   Send PM to Steve A
 
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Re: Magnolia Maggie!


Glad you two like it. I'm really happy with the way it turned out. Really glad that I used my own handwriting too.

It's looking much better this week- no more scabs.
11/30/2007, 3:50 am Link to this post Send Email to Ashley Amanda   Send PM to Ashley Amanda
 


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